Thursday, April 7, 2011

Funny stuff my professors say: vol. 3

The third and final volume... for this semester! Click here for volume one and here for volume two.

[Mary Keating]

"I have to get off that tangent. I've been watching the news too much... Imagine a world where children only learned science and math! No one would speak!"

"I'm not sure what I want to think about this morning."

"I only know this because my mother dragged me to a seminar on satanic culture."

[Ian Brodie]

"Well, I grabbed that turtle by the face and squeezed it for all it was worth. New expression. Copyright: me."

"Why do I always use documentaries from the mid-eighties as my examples?"

"Don't say it's similar. It's similar in the way Cape Breton and Newfoundland are similar. Fisticuffs!"

"He's buried there if anyone wants to go spit on his grave. But hey, he's handsome!"

"So for the couple of days leading up to lent, party like it's 1999."

"It's Newfoundland tasteful. It's Cape Breton slutty."

[Richard Marchand]

"I mean, he's murdered all these people, but what the hell? He's a nice guy underneath."

"I actually had - I stand here as witness - a Captain Hook dream."

"Her parents were smoking up after supper, and she was really relaxed when she went to bed."

" 'Girls are much too clever to fall out of their prams.' Ha! Sexist pig!"

"I once bought a pair of cowboy boots at a garage sale for twenty-five cents, which suggests that they were really trying to get rid of those boots."

"You had to do it with gusto. Follow the yellow brick road, dammit!"

"The time-gods are generous... for once!"

"It was like a law. Not a law, a commandment! The eleventh commandment!"

"I wore britches. It was like the uniform of boys ages eight to twelve. Why, I have no idea."

"Wow. I spent eight minutes on the word 'gables.'"

"If you gave an eleven-year-old girl three glasses of beer, she's be under the table. At least she'd better be under the table..."

"I had a slate. Not that I used it in school. Those were before my time, I hasten to add."

"His kid said, 'Tell me a story, Daddy!' What else do kids say? Nothing."

"Oh my god, equality! You're turning the national upside down!"

[Anna Daniels]

"We have to honor the relationship we have with Katherine... Ha! It sounds like we have to marry her because we got her pregnant."

"Laughing time is over."

"You're an English major, Maggie. You live for transitional phrases."

"Why don't you just wrap the individual children in foam?"

"He has a PhD now. The guy who put gravel in his pants and ate glue."

"I'm sure when the wheel was invented, some people were like, 'I don't want to get involved in this shit.'"

"That sounds like a delicious sandwich."

"Despite the fact that his facial hair is hilarious, he was a brilliant man."

"I don't want you to have to think up some crazy banana car on the exam."
The time has gone too quickly... but next semester will come soon enough!

Keep reading!


1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you did the same student exchange I did back in 2006. I also had Ian as a professor. He's a hoot! Glad you had fun up in Cape Breton!